He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
