So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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