Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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