well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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