I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
