East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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