he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
