I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
