You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
