i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
