i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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