she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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