Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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