nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
