NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
