i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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