We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize