I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.