why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
