New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize