i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize