have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
