I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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