Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize