I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
