and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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