I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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