The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
