I'm laying in your front yard are you home
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
