Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
