I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
