i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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