My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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