You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
there is puke in my bra ... again
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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