she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
