def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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