all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
