he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So many bounce houses so little time
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
