I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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