Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You pole danced in your parka.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
