I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
