all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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