So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
