Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Let's get the cat blown out
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
