dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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