I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize