are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
