There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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