All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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