Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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