What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
