How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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