I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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