So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
