Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
