cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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