I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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