I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
