i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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